Starting It Off Right

It was made official this weekend. I will be spending my 30th birthday in

PUERTO RICO!

I think this is an omen of excellent things to come.

Wise Advise

My mom is full of very smart advice. Since I've been at my parents' house, she has informed me at least twice that it is not a good idea to 1) take nude pictures of myself and 2) post these pictures on the Internet.

While this is very smart advice indeed and advice I'm pretty certain I will actually follow, it comes from a Santa who stuffed my dad's stocking with this:


Of course, I don't know whose judgment should be questioned more: the Santa who purchased this "edible" item or the Santa who will actually eat it.

A Tuesday Spent

A Bonus Day

Postponing our day of departure until tomorrow because of the weather meant that I could sleep in until 10:45am. And then I found myself at the Tabernacle listening to a free organ recital, which may have been more fantastic than sleeping in this morning. There really is something quite invigorating when thousands of pipes pipe out "Joy to the World" and make the wooden bench you're sitting on vibrate. I love that feeling; it is filling.

Oh, Weather

Dear Weather,

Thank you for helping me feel justified in not showering today, to still be wearing workout clothes at 3:30pm, to have done no other work but launder and fold 5 loads of clothes, and to have eaten the weight of my head in sweets.

Grading and dissertation data-gathering are overrated activities that involve way too much brainpower when it's showering snow. That must be really hard work.

And you're definitely doing your job of making it a Winter wonderland. Keep it up. I have several more episodes of Friday Night Lights to view.

Signed,
A Winter Fan (for today)

Making Strides

Newsflash: I am a woman. I am a Mormon. And having grown up as both and being surrounded by such people my entire life, I am pretty well informed regarding the stereotypes circling around these two characteristics. As an almost 30, single LDS woman with no children and an almost Ph.D., I am also well aware that I defy most of these stereotypes. And, true, stereotypes exist for a reason; there is truth to them. However, I know many LDS woman--married and single--who aren't the stereotype. They are smart, sharp, strong women. True, they may walk around their homes barefoot or have several children or make cookies or quilt every once in a while, but would never define themselves by any of these qualities or characteristics or hobbies.

However, Ex-Mormon Chad Hardy is crusading again. In his words, he is encouraging "people across every belief system and walk of life to defy stereotypes, step out of judgment and embrace tolerance over fear." Hardy must believe that the typical LDS mother is screaming under oppression. And in order to help these deprived women, he has decided to do 'take two' of his racy calendar: Hot Mormon Muffins. Yep, Mormon mothers posing for a steamy calendar. How very Calendar Girls of him.

This quote from the article is a gem: "Amy Hansen, who poses as a provocative cupid for the month of February, is coming out in support of the sexy calendar. 'It's kind of fun to show a different side of the Mormon women,' she says."

A different side? Let me see if I have this straight. So instead of being the cliche Mormon housewife, Amy Hansen has instead turned to one of the most cliche images of women in the world--the pin-up doll. How very classy and progressive of you, Amy!

The feminist in me just threw up in my mouth.

Geenie in a Bottle

Last night I got my wish.

I baked dozens of Spicy Molasses Cookies. And while mine don't quite look like the original, they sure taste good!

And then I wrapped some gifts while listening to Sarah McLachlan's Wintersong, her Christmas album. A sure-fire winner. That McLachlan immediately transports me to when I lived at The Regency at the BYU. I distinctly remember listening to her album Surfacing on repeat.

And all the while I watched the finale of The Biggest Loser, the only reality show I actually like because these people not only lose the weight of an entire person, but really do transform into better all-over versions of themselves. Without fail that show makes me teary-eyed and motivated to workout and eat better for at least 30 whole minutes after watching it.

Emily and I then spent time viewing The Transformation page when we should have been sleeping. If you really want motivation to not eat a cookie (or in my case, 10 cookies), look at the web page. Wow! It makes me a little bit more inspired to begin 1/2 marathon training again after the new year or at least to realize that even level 3 of 30 Day Shred isn't going to make me look like those people in the end.

Break Time

Getting out of bed has been a struggle this week. And, no, I am not sick. Instead, I think my body just knows that Winter Break is around the corner. Just. And my body doesn't seem to care that break doesn't technically begin until next week; my body is already done. I think this body of mine is a little bit too well-trained given that I've been doing school forever. This body knows breaks like clockwork. And it is because of these breaks that I don't know if I will ever be able to leave academia. What do you mean the rest of the world can't take off a week in March to go to Puerto Rico with me for my 30th birthday? I have Spring Break and so should the rest of the world! I really am persecuted.

Problem is that it's not break time yet. I still have stuff to do, but as the snow fell heavily today, all I wanted to do was go sledding, and as Emily stated, come home, drink something warm, knit, watch a movie and then, crawl into my bed.

Yes, all of these things definitely need to happen. And soon.

Seasonal Light

It was late afternoon. I had been sitting at the dining room table, writing most of the day. A violet cascade of light settled through the windows, suddenly jolting me out of my writing trance.

That light warmed me. And I found myself smiling--probably the first time that day. My brow magically relaxed, delaying the spread of wrinkles a little bit longer.

The Christmas tree lights have this same effect. I love to turn off all the lights in the house--all but the tree lights and just sit by it. The snow outside deafens the outside noise and things are still. At peace.

And I know that everything will really be alright.

Take a Gander

Any guesses at to what substance found its way onto my shoe?

I'd forgotten how with snow also comes sludge. Sick.

Go Enter Some Giveaways

Twelve of them to be exact at Design Mom.

And a whole bunch of stuff at SSB.

Another Excuse

The reason I intensely like french fries (especially from the Greek Souvlaki) over say, carrots, can now be explained by science.

Excellent justification.

The End is Near

For the end of the semester, that is--not the end of my dissertation. That is a seemingly never-ending process.

No, rather it's the end of another very quick semester. (Wasn't it just the new year?) And while I have my own amount of busyness full of deadlines and grading and more grading, it's also that time of year when my students seem to dump their sad, sad stories on me, wanting (I guess) my sympathy regarding why they didn't get their work done all semester long.

Yes, some have legit reasons, but usually these rank in the minority. And quite honestly, I don't want to know about the nitty-gritty regarding the rocky relationship with your spouse or the T.M.I. details of your illness or information about the side-effects of your medications. And I definitely do not want to receive pages of these details via email. Nope. Not. One. Bit.

Perhaps I am heartless, but what irks me even more is when these reasons are followed up with, "Well, my other instructors are willing to work with me." It rings similar to the teenage negotiating statement: "But all the other parents are letting their kids go!" said in an uber-shrill, whiny tone.

Really, how about some owning up? Or simply saying, "Hey, my life became more than I can handle. Is there anything I can do?" Or providing a plan of how the work will get finished?

Oh, I hate grading. Not only the monotony of it, but all that accompanies it.

**********

And if you're a gmailer who has a webcam and who has NOT downloaded the "video chat" feature. Shame on you! Emily and I have found some new entertainment.

Because My Brain is on Overload

100 Things to Do Before I Die
stolen from Andrea
Accomplished items are in bold

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (5th grade)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (does training count?)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language (does 6 yrs of Spanish count?)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class (I'm counting my self defense course)
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (fish)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake (this one REALLY needs to happen!)
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Morals of this list: I need to go to Europe and NYC. And some of these need to happen before my 30th. STAT!

And who came up with this list? Adopting a child is a "must do"?

Why I Love the Internet: Reason #16

I was going to write about how cold and icy it is outside and how I would rather just return to my bed and avoid all of my work, but the Internet came through for me again.

While perusing Etsy for some Christmas shopping, I discovered these fake mustaches which I might buy for some facial-hair-stunted male friends. I thought these must--, excuse me, plushtaches were pretty fantastic, but that was before...

I learned that this Etsy seller is an equal opportunist.


Yes, you are seeing that correctly. You, too, could finally grow that third nipple you've always had nightmares about. But last, but not least...

Don't leave home without your early detection kit.

There really isn't much more to say.

Email from a Student

And I quote, "Thank you for helping me with this delegate situation."

Finally

It looks and feels like December.

Hello, Winter.

A Twilight Miracle

This morning I was actually thankful for Twilight. I know. This gratitude is pretty remarkable, especially since I haven't been a 13 year old girl in a very long time.

But this morning Twilight (particularly the movie) proved the perfect example of poor fantasy fiction. You see, I teach this course very, very early every Friday morning on international children's literature and this morning just happened to be our "Science Fiction & Fantasy Genre" day. An author of a good fantasy or sci-fi book should create a story that allows readers to suspend belief of what is real and buy-in to the make-believe. Fortunately, for today's class, we were able to have a discussion about how the book/movie does an especially poor job of doing just this--suspending disbelief. A girl falling in lust with a blood-sucking monster who watches her sleep at night? And that tree-leaping? Enough said.

If you had asked me yesterday if I thought I'd ever have a decent discussion about Twilight, I would have laughed.

It truly is the season of miracles.

Best Closures

There are numerous ways to sign out on an email (or when people actually sent mail: a letter).

We have those closings usually kept for family members or other loved ones: Love, Lovingly, Forever Yours, Fondly, Yours, Always, etc.

And then we have the tongue-and-cheek, I-like-you, but-I-don't-want-to-come-straight-out- and-say-it-closings: XOXO, Love Ya, etc.

Then there's the I-want-to-be-cool closures: Out, Over & Out, Peace, See Ya, Cheers, Later, etc.

Or if you're feeling religious: God bless, Prayerfully, Godspeed. (And, yes, I do receive emails signed this way from that online religious university for which I teach classes).

Or the I'm-really-in-a-hurry-so-I-can't-be-bothered-to-sign-my-name endings that come with just an initial: "N" or "NW" or even nothing at all.

Lastly, we have ourselves those formal, I-want-to-appear-business-like-because-I-don't-really know-you closings: Sincerely, Respectfully, Regards, Thank you for your consideration, etc.

And then, recently, I started receiving emails signed "Best," Just BEST. Best what? Best wishes? Or I hope you have the best shoes on today? Or that you drink the best milk shake for lunch? Or that you have the best hair? From a stranger, this closure would make a little more sense, but from someone I know personally? I don't get it.

I think I may start including this one-line phrase in my everyday encounters. Say like, when I pay the cashier for my Big Gulp and he/she says "Have a nice day." I'm just going to reply, "Best!" and wave. Or maybe I will wink depending on my mood. I'm pretty sure winking will really get 'em.

Or when ending phone conversations:

Other person: "So I've gotta go. Talk to you later."
Me: "K, bye. Best!"

And then quickly hang up before the other person has a chance to ask me what I said. Of course, with phone conversations the other person won't get the benefit of the wink, but I really think I may be on to something.

The Creepy Hello

Now there are friendly hellos and there are courtesy hellos and then there are creepy hellos. These creepy hellos send shivers through your entire body and they make you want to run far, far away.

I received a creepy hello today as I walked in to "The Sev."

I noticed the old, rusty, gray Ford Taurus as I pulled into the parking lot. It was hard to miss given that it had an extended trailer behind it, taking up much more than its fair share of parking space.

The driver of this vehicle was standing at his driver door, looking at me, leering at me. I avoided eye contact, but could feel his beady stare. As I yanked open The Sev door, I had to turn in his direction and made the mistake of glancing up.

He looked at me, suddenly realizing that I had made eye contact and then he taunted, "Heeellooo."

And then I didn't know what to do.

Should I say hello back? Ignore him? Glare? I didn't know. It was awkward. Wait--who am I kidding? He was awkward. And weird.

I opted for a courteous smile and rushed into the building and made a concerted effort not to look his direction when I walked out to my car.

Ewww. Gross.

Courtesy of my Dad